[I speak cicada]

Tumblr doesn’t let me reply to replies I guess, but thanks to Sarah and Cody for responding to my vent post last night as well. It weird how even when you’re conscious of the fact that a lot of other people are definitely going through the same stuff as you, your brain somehow manages to keep convincing you that your problem is your own personal, singular failure as a human while everyone else has their lives together. It definitely helps to be reminded that even awesome people I know are going though the same things.

Hey, one of your followers here. I just wanted to let you know that reading about your recent text post gave me some insight in my current life situation which is very different in circumstance yet extremely relate-able as a whole. Everyone is expecting you to fall into 'normality' and I'm not going to even say "prove them wrong" because you know what you gotta do. Prove yourself right. lots of good vibes and encouragement from this anon! stay strong c;
Anonymous

Thanks! I’ve obviously got a lot of proving to do, but I’m glad to know I’ve got some vibes in my corner. I really hope everything works out well for your situation too. Let me know if you ever need anyone to to commiserate with.

Venting about life stuff

I think my new probably unrealistic life plan is to stay at my soul-crushing but extremely well-paying job and live with my mom (and therefor not pay any rent/bills) until I’ve amassed enough ridiculous cash to just like….pay a year’s rent upfront somewhere and quit working altogether.

That way I can have at least a year to just…make comics every day. No school. No work. Just spending every getting better at the medium I’ve cared about more than anything else since I was 13 years old reading literally every single webcomic I could find a link to .

That’s all I want to do. That’s all it would take to make me happy. Why is it so hard?

Nobody in my family really understands when I tell them I’ll never be happy while I’m still working for some corporation doing ~customer service~ and spending 8+ hours of every freaking day not doing the thing I want to do. I’ve tried. I really have. My resume is full of jobs I was good at that drove me into mindsets I almost couldn’t bare. People tell me I’m young and that my whole life’s ahead of me, so I shouldn’t worry about wasting a little time on crappy jobs at this stage, because I have years ahead of me. But that’s bullshit. I could get diagnosed with something terminal tomorrow. Someone could drive into my car at 90 mph and wipe me off the map. My family history is full of people who died young. My dad was diagnosed with a terminal disease when he was sixteen. My nephew was diagnosed with one at 6 months and died before his second birthday. None of us is promised any amount of time. So how can I possibly justify the years I’ve spent and am spending working customer service while my art gets shoved off in a corner for some uncertain “later?”

It’s so frustrating to come home exhausted after work and try to scrounge up the energy to draw mediocre work for the 2-ish hours I have left at the end of the day. I’m going to work full time and then going back to work in my “free” time and it’s burning me out. I don’t think my family even realizes I haven’t had time, since I started working again, to read books or play video games or watch movies on my off days because every day has to go towards keeping my head just barely above water with my practice. They don’t realize when I have to skip days because I’m just too exhausted or my wrist is killing me or I’m depressed or whatever that I’m racked with guilt the whole time because how DARE I waste those ~2 hours at the end of the night, and by extension an entire day, to do something as selfish as WATCH ANIME or READ A BOOK or SLEEP.

They don’t realize I’m fighting for scraps of the only life I’ve ever wanted.

…So yeah. Sorry if anyone actually read all of that. That was supposed to be just a quick little update about my Impossible Year of Rent Dream but I guess I really needed to vent. It kind of spiraled out of my control there. If anyone has any advice or encouragement or anything anon is on and I’m all ears. I know it’s pretty selfish to just want to quit the real world to draw stories and publish books and hang with cartoonist peers at cons forever, and I recognize not everyone in this world can have the privilege to do that. I’m just…really honestly scared about what will happen to me if I never get that. I don’t need a marriage. I don’t need kids. I just need time and space and quiet to draw. I don’t feel like that’s a lot to ask out of life, but right now I don’t have it. So what I have doesn’t really feel like living. Every time I think I’m making a step forward towards changing that, I find myself even worse off than before. I just don’t see any way out, and this upfront rent thing is sort of my last ditch desperate plan.

Sorry for the melodrama. I might delete this in the morning when I realize it’s 5000X more whiny and melodramatic than I can stand (even if it is honest.)

fairymascot:

Idolm@ster has some redeeming qualities but Makoto’s arc is definitely not one of them. I wanna see that trope burn too.

pls talk to me about those redeeming qualities because i was so put off by literally every single aspect

Admittedly it’s been a years since I saw it and I had REALLY low expectations going in, so I always recommend it to people with a grain of salt. But what I remember is being really surprised by how much the focus was on the relationships between the girls or their own personal issues and not like…each of them falling in love with the manager or some other BS (there’s only like one girl who ends up explicitly crushing on him and it’s not even played like he returns her feelings or wants to date her, but more like ‘She’s young and dealing with some stuff so she’s projecting feelings onto him’).

I liked Iori and Yayoi’s friendship (I remember liking episode 7 a lot), as well as Haruka and Chihaya’s. I also just liked the way the show handled the girls getting (spoiler but not really) more famous, and the mixed feelings that can come from that (particularly with Haruka or the twins). I know the girls are pretty much just various Moe tropes or whatever, but several of them were uncannily like people I knew at the time so I might just be too personally invested or something.

I guess when I was expecting harem-style fanservice ridden anime with the depth of a teaspoon it’s easy to be impressed (I was admittedly scraping the bottom of the barrel back when I watched it). I just started watching Love Live because of your posts about it reminded me of some of the things I liked in Idolm@ster, and I was planning to go back and rewatch IM after I finish LL just to see how the two stack up before I recommended IM to any more friends. 

I’ve actually kind of been secretly wishing you’d watch it just so I could read your opinions on it. :P I like the way you analyze stuff even I don’t always agree, and I’ve wanted to see some good critique of IM for a while because I definitely see it as a mixed success. Even if you decide you hate it and give up on I’m still glad you gave it a shot!

krudman:

I made a blog for all you creative people with the hard hitting ideas about children’s media.

What if Guy Fieri is in a coma and everything on the Food Network is just a dream?”

Whelp I’m sold.

Though seriously the hardcover Rice Boy is kind of my personal Holy Grail* so if anyone is ever selling one/knows someone willing to sell one/sees one on eBay or something please let me know.

*(Signed hardcovers are a Thing I Collect, Rice Boy’s pretty much my favorite comic of all time and means a lot to me personally, and I didn’t have remotely enough money to buy the hardcover while there were still copies left.)

Is there a plan to roll out all four Vattu books in a neat (less expensive than the sum of its parts) collection after the story's finished up? Or is it going to be a more souped-up deluxe special edition type of affair? Or is this all a ridiculous level of prognostication for something that will be occurring in roughly four years?
Anonymous

evandahm:

It is a little too early to make any specific promises, but here’s basically the plan:

Vattu will be 4 books, each in the vicinity of 300 pages but maybe way more. They’ll be published individually in formats to match the first one: 6 by 9 inches with similar design elements and paperback and hardcover versions. Prices will probably be consistent (30 paperback/60 hardcover). The whole thing will be too big to ever fit into one book, so there will never be one book of all of Vattu. Even Order of Tales (~800 pages) is pushing it, and Vattu will be longer.

Waaayyy down the line, when the whole thing is done and I’m phasing out that first format, I might consider doing a 2-volume set, as that would be easier to deal with. It would be nice to have it in two books that are sold together and not prohibitively expensive, and just be done with it. Ooo, maybe two books that come with a matching art/appendix book and they all go in a slipcase together. But I am not in any position to guarantee that that will happen!

What I get from reading this is that I’ll be giving Evan Dahm my money for the rest of my life.

Life’s lookin pretty good.

FINISHED A PAGE I’VE BEEN WORKIN ON FOR A MONTH

I get weirdly uneasy when I don’t have a Kickstarter I’ve pledged to that I can obsessively check the progress on every day. I get so excited to watch things I’ve backed surpass their goals, but recently all of the ones I was watching have ended and nothing new I’m invested in has launched (to my knowledge).

It’s like I am the one woman Kickstarter Fandom and my fav series is on hiatus.

I FOUND AN ANTHOLOGY TO BE IN.

Or at least y’know…submit to. BUT IT’S AT LEAST A CHANCE.

And the best part is there’s actually time to work on something before the submission deadline, unlike every other open call I find.